You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
