he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
