FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
