hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
