I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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