And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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