just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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