I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wear drunk well.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
