I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
