First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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