is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
