He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
