So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
