I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
