It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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