here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
