just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think people are normalizing furries
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
