This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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