i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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