I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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