Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
