We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
