EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
