put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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