Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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