I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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