Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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