Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
