Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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