I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
