We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
