the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
