I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
