Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
