Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
