He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
