A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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