About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
