you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
