So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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