Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
