So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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