I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
try to milk me bitch
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