booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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