We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
