May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
