I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
