What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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