You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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