I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
