Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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