i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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